i think i have two assholes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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