Ambien. No doubt about it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
