Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
