bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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