Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
