Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
