why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
