Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
