There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
