Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
