Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
