i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
