im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
