I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
