I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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