what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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