What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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