I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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