I think my fart just growled at me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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