bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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