Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
