I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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