I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is Oprah even human
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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