I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
