There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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