I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This is my gift to your gina
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
