Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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