Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
