I can text with my tongue
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
