Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
