I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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