so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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