Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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