hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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