New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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