drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
