i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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