At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
