You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
