I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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