I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
