I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
