Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
