FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
