I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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