Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
