I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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