Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
