she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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