I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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