and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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