I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
