I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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